Irreplaceable
by brookieebabyy
Summary: They tear us apart and unite us together. We can leave them behind or embrace them into our lives. Sometimes they are mistakes, but sometimes we find that our mistakes can end up being the one thing thats truly right in our lives. Collab w/ LINAxx. REPOST
1. Ch 1 Lilly

**A/N: Hey. This story was deleted, so we decided to repost it, because we didnt really think it broke the rules, other than JB being real people. But anyways, this story will be continued. (:**

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**Chapter 1**

A flood of thoughts rushed through my head as I looked at the newborn baby lying in my arms, but my first thought was, s_he has his brown, wavy hair_. Although it was only a small patch of hair, I knew that she was going to have the same exact hair, the hair I'd brush my hands through when we lay next to each other under the stars on late nights before he left. I sighed a breath of relief as I looked at the baby. _My_ baby. After nine months of living hell, I had a baby. And her name was Aiden. _Aiden Truscott_.

I heard Miley gasp next to me, and I tilted my head, looking up and handing her the baby. Her brunette hair was pushed back in a high ponytail, and was still wearing the hospital scrubs. Although tired and worn out, her eyes still held a glimmer as she held Aiden in her arms, crying out for me. _Her mother_.

I would never get used to the fact that I was now going to be raising a child; I was 19, for crying out loud. And the fact that the father of the child is gone doesn't make it much better. I knew Miley was temporarily back, but I wasn't sure about him. Miley knew this was a sore subject with me, and didn't bother to bring it up.

I remember that day he first walked into the coffee shop I was working in. It was the 5th of February, and he opened the door swiftly, taking off the Ray-Bans that were sitting on the perch of his nose. He folded them up and put them in the back pocket of his white skinny jeans, then turned around and looked at the door expectantly, as if waiting for someone. Seconds later, two more guys walked in, looking around my age. They all looked alike, so I immediately assumed that they were brothers or related somehow. One, who looked like the youngest of the trio, had curly hair and chocolate-brown eyes, and the other had similarly curly hair and looked much like the younger, except, unlike both brothers, he had sideburns and was taller.

I felt a jolt of nervousness pang through my stomach as they approached the counter. All three were good looking, but the one that attracted me the most was the middle brother. He had the most amazing eyes I'd ever seen. He grinned at me, then turned his attention back to the menu.

"Hi, welcome to Josie's coffee shop. How may I help you?" I recited.

"Is it true that this coffee is better than Starbucks?" the eldest asked me. I giggled uncomfortably.

"Kevin, you cant just ask her a question like that!" the middle brother exclaimed, hitting his brother on the arm. "I apologize for him, he's just a crazy Starbucks fanatic. Can smell it from 2 miles away, it's crazy."

I smiled. "What can I get you this morning?"

The oldest, who I assumed was named Kevin, and the youngest both ordered, then we all looked at the middle brother. "Um, what do you recommend?" he asked me.

I blushed. What? I don't blush. This was so unlike me, I was usually 'one of the guys'. "Well, I don't know. I guess I love the lattes here."

"The latte it is, then," he replied. "By the way, I'm Joe. These are my brothers, Kevin and Nick."

I nodded. "It's nice to meet you," I smiled.

As soon as Nick and Kevin left to claim their drinks, Joe leaned in towards me. "Listen, will you go out with me? Saturday?" he whispered in my ear. Tingles went down my spine as I felt his hot breath in my ear.

"Saturday's perfect," I grinned, then looked around the cluttered counter for a piece of paper. I found a napkin, then took a pen and wrote down my number and address.

Joe looked at me, smiling, then went to claim his drink. He waved as he left, and as he pushed open the glass door, he yelled, "See you Saturday!"

I was really nervous about going on the date after knowing him for less than five minutes, but I knew that there was something about him. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew that he'd be a keeper.

It took one date for us to be inseparable. Kevin drove us, since Joe confided in me that he wasn't ready to get his license quite yet, although he was already 17. We went to a quiet Italian restraunt, and we sat talking until the owners shooed us out at closing time. I found that I was more myself when I was with him than when I was with anyone else. He knew how to cheer me up when I would come running to his house after curfew, crying that my parents weren't getting along again. He would lay a comforting hand on my back, rubbing it and whispering comforting words into my ear as I fell asleep in his bed. He'd make sure I was sleeping, then go downstairs and stay in the guest bedroom for the night. His parents told him that it was alright for me to stay with them, as long as we slept in separate rooms, and Joe wanted to keep our late nights going for as long as possible. He was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend, and always there for me. Miley and I would still hang out constantly, but it wasn't the same. When my parents finally got a divorce, I found that I was running to him.

Two years into our relationship, we got into a huge fight, and not like the usual squabbles that were held weekly. After doors were slammed, there were late nights with Ben & Jerry's and a box of tissues every night for a week. Every night that I wasn't with him was hard, and I constantly wanted to call or text him, but knew he needed his space.

Three days later, I found out that my father slipped into a coma. Apparently, he had cancer and never told me _or_ my mother. The next day, he died.

At his funeral, my mother, grandmother, and I all stood next to his casket as a line of people came to say a word with us and look at his body. Many people and strangers came up to tell me how much my father meant to them. I fake smiled to each and acted like I didn't care, but truth was, _I did_. By the last person in line, tears were welling up in my eyes and I lowered my head so that it wouldn't be visible to whoever was standing in front of me. I needed to be strong for my mother. I knew she was taking it the hardest, and I needed to be there for her; to be her rock like Joe had been for me. I felt a sturdy hand lift up and brush away my tears. I looked up to meet his gaze. My blue eyes met his, and standing in front of him, I burst into tears. I could care less that people were now staring. Joe put his arms around my small frame and hugged me tightly. At first, I budged, not wanting to hug him back, but I gave in. Like I always did. Salty tears wet his white button up shirt under his black blazer, but he didn't even blink an eye. I knew I was instantly forgiven. He was there for me, like he'd been for the past 2 years, and didn't fall asleep or roll his eyes while I sat in the living room of his house that night, letting my feelings pour into words, about my anger towards my father for not telling me, and my sadness, knowing that he would no longer be in my life.

3 months later, The Jonas Brothers became one of the top known bands _in the world_. The boys ended up always being busy with concerts, meet and greets, interviews, but I wasn't disappointed. All three had worked for it, and deserved it. Nick tended to be the least busy of all three, so I found myself starting to talk to him more often than usual. He always picked up when I needed to talk and Joe wasn't available, and became one of my best friends.

A year later, Joe called me, wanting to meet. I met him at the beach that night, and he told me that The Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana were going on a worldwide tour for a whole entire year. I knew about Hannah Montana being gone for tour, and Miley and I had said our goodbyes that night, but not about The Jonas Brothers.

My mouth dropped in surprise. "What? Why didn't you tell me? When are you leaving?"

"I just found out yesterday… I didn't know how to tell you. But we're going to visit. I promise. We'll be back in the US in about 9 months or so."

"When are you leaving?" I asked him, lowering my gaze and focusing on the sand underneath me as if it fascinated me.

"You see… um…"

"Spit it out, Joe," I urged. He didn't seem to understand how much this was hurting me.

"Tomorrow morning."

"What?" I yelled. "Are you joking me? I'm your girlfriend, Joe. Why didn't you tell me sooner? We could've spent the day together before you leave for a whole entire year."

"Lilly, please understand. There's no way that I could possibly say no to the tour."

"Whatever, Joe." Did he seriously expect that he could just come and tell me 12 hours before he was leaving across the world and expect me to be happy for him?

"No, Lilly, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I love you."

"What?" I asked, surprised. He never told me that before; he told me that he was waiting to say it until he was sure that he loved me. Besides, we had been fighting the past month or so constantly.

"Lilly, I love you. And I know that I'm only 20, but I already want to be with you forever." He looked down at the purity ring that was sitting on his ring finger, then fiddled with it.

I took a deep breath of air. "I love you too, Joe," I answered, leaning in and kissing him, feeling his soft lips on mine.

He kissed me back, and before I knew it, we were in a heated make-out session. I broke away quickly when I realized what was happening.

"Joe," I panted, "Are you sure? I mean, aren't you waiting till marriage?"

"I might regret this in the morning, but right now, all I want is you. I can't see myself with anyone else but you." He took off his purity ring, then placed it in the palm of my hand.

That night, in the warm California air, I lost my virginity to Joe Jonas. The next morning, he left, along with his brothers and Miley on their world tour. I was alone; my mother was never home, and my best friends were gone.

After throwing up all morning for an entire week, missing my period, and feeling unusually tired, I began to grow worried. There was no way that I, of all people, was pregnant. I mean, it was only once! Besides, I was starting college at USC in two months!

The Monday after they left, I grew tired of wondering and guessing, and drove to the nearest CVS. I bought a pregnancy test and two watermelons, which I was starting to crave, and as soon as I got home, I took the test.

When I looked at the tiny plus sign, I almost fainted. It couldn't be right. There was no possibly way that it could be right. I took my cell phone out of my sweatshirt pocket and skimmed through my contacts, looking for someone I could call. Someone to talk to, and someone who could drive me to the hospital. This had to be guaranteed before I started panicking. Miley wouldn't be able to pick up, I knew she was going to be busy.

I lost hope, but as I reached the bottom of the address book, I saw Oliver's name. I hadn't talked to him since the high school graduation last month, and I felt kind of bad.

I clicked on his name and heard the phone ring a few times before he picked up. He sounded like he just woke up, even though it was already 1 in the afternoon.

"Ollie? It's Lilly," I said, hoping that he was going to be in town for the next 9 months.

"Of course. Hey, Lils, what's up?"

"Um, nothing, can you take me to the hospital?" I asked. I didn't have access to a car since my mom was gone at work, so I usually relied on Joe or Miley to take me places.

"Of course. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. I'll call right now and schedule an appointment, then text you what time to pick me up."

"Alright. Lil, I miss hanging out with you. Are you sure everything is okay? Is Joe alright? They're on tour with Miley, right?"

"Yeah. I just miss him a lot, and there's kind of something going on right now, but I'll explain later."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, then."

"Alright. Hey, Oliver?"

"Yeah, Lilly?"

"Thanks."

"No problem, Lil. No problem," he answered, then we both hung up.

I went to the doctor that afternoon and she confirmed that I was indeed going to have a baby. I told Oliver beforehand in the car, and I didn't even need to ask him to come in with me. He sat beside me the entire time the doctor explained the symptoms and classes that I should take and held my hand through the whole thing. Afterwards, as we were walking back out to his car, he assured me that he was willing to take childbirth and Lamaze classes with me, and that he wasn't going to let me go through the whole experience alone. I smiled, and knew that Oliver was going to be a great father and husband to someone lucky someday, even if that wasn't me. Oliver was just my friend and was always going to be just a friend.

The nine months following were the worst of my life. I was always extremely moody, had major food cravings, the baby would kick and move around, my boyfriend wasn't calling or texting that much anymore, if at all, my senses were on high alert, I had to go pee almost every hour, I had to attend childbirth classes that weren't exactly fun, and I was never quite myself anymore. Yeah, the year of hell.

Then, the night before, my water broke. Oliver, who was sitting with me in the kitchen while we made cookies, rushed me to the hospital, and now, here I was with a newborn baby in my arms. Miley had come in to Malibu that night, so she was also able to make it.

I heard the door creak open and saw Oliver walk in with two bottles of water, handing one to Miley. Miley took it and handed Aiden to me. I swayed her to sleep, and eventually I got the chance to catch up on some sleep, too.

When I woke up, I was in a different room. Aiden was no longer in my arms, and I assumed she was being cleaned and measured, and I noticed a few vases of flowers. I looked to my left, seeing Miley and Oliver sitting close on the couch. Miley was reading a magazine and Oliver was texting on his sidekick cell phone. They both looked up, seeing me awake.

They both smiled, and Miley rushed over to give me a hug. "Listen, um, there's someone who wants to see you," she said nervously.

"Who?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Um, well, you see, the brothers all sort of know my secret now. The whole me being Hannah Montana thing. And, well, I might have accidentally slipped to Nick, uh, why I was coming here."

I glared at her. "Miley!" I whined. "He's so going to tell Joe!"

"I don't know why you don't want Joe to know," Oliver piped up, then shut up once he saw the glare I gave him.

"No," Miley assured, "He promised he wouldn't tell anyone."

I sighed a breath of relief, and Miley opened the door, revealing the curly-haired brother. "Nick!" I squealed, giving him a hug.

"Easy there, Lilly, you just gave birth to a baby," he laughed. We ended up talking for hours on end, catching up on the last nine months. He told me about the tour and I told him about the months of hell; in other words, the baby.

"So you skipped your first year of college?" he asked.

"Are you kidding me? Exams, papers, plus a baby. Yeah right."

"That's true. But still, USC is an amazing school to get into."

"Yeah, thanks. You just made me feel so much better. So how is Joe?" I asked wearily, unsure if I was ready for the answer.

"Joe is… Joe's okay. He's definitely not the same as he used to be."

"Why… why did he stop calling and texting me? Did he find someone new?" My voice was shaky, and I had a feeling that tears weren't far away.

"He… to tell you the truth, I don't even know. Me and Kevin noticed his different behavior a while ago… but I'm sure he's just sad that he had sex with you and then left."

The nurse then came in, letting me know that I was going to be released the next morning with Aiden. After assuring them that I was going to be okay, Oliver, Miley, and Nick left the hospital to get some sleep and food.

The next morning, Miley picked Aiden and me up from the hospital. I bought a small apartment a few months after I found out about her and the baby crib was already set up in my room (I wasn't ready to get a nursery quite yet), so as soon as we got home, I put her to sleep and took a nap myself.

I woke back up around 7 in the evening to Aiden's cries. I sighed, walking across the carpeted floor to where she was crying. I realized that she hadn't eaten in hours and her diaper most likely was needing to be changed.

I changed her diaper first, which calmed her down instantly, then walked into the kitchen. Oliver told me that he put the baby food somewhere, but I couldn't remember. I fished my cell phone out of my purse that was resting on a chair, then opened it. _'8 Missed Calls: Joe'_, it read. There was no way that I would call him back, because if I did, he'd want to see me, then somehow find out about the baby. I listened to the messages, one by one, finding myself in tears as I heard Joe's comforting voice ring through the phone.

_**Hey, Lil, It's me. Joe. Um, listen, can you call me back? I'm back in Malibu and I really want to see you soon, so yeah. I'll talk to you later. Love you.**_

_**Lilly, it's me again. Joe. Your boyfriend. Just wanted to see if you were back from wherever you are yet, but I guess not. Call me back.**_

_**Lil, baby, pick up the damn phone. I need to see you soon.**_

_**Alright, this is getting old. You better not be mad at me, because I haven't done anything. I think.** _Yeah, right. This is just the first time you're calling in what, 5 months?

_**I promise I'll make you cookies when we see each other again. I'll even buy you tickets to your favorite band. You know, other than the Jonas Brothers.** _See, he didn't even know my favorite band anymore! _**Call me back, babe. Love ya.**_

_**I swear, this is the last message. Please, Lilly. I need to hear your voice. Come on, pick up the phone. I've been calling you for the past hour!**_

_**You know what, fine! No, seriously. This will be the last call, and then I'll leave you alone. Kevin, shut up. No, I'm not obsessed. Okay, I gotta go. Kevin is pestering me again. Holy shizzle, that's a long word. Call me back. Love ya.**_

I rolled my eyes, wiping away the tears. Whatever, Joe. Just ignore me and then come back home and expect everything to be peachy fine? Don't think so. Not going to happen.

I called Oliver, finding out where the baby food was, then prepared the jar of baby food for Aiden. I spoon-fed it to her and she slurped it up. Yep, she definitely had some of Joe's traits.

That night, I put Aiden to bed, the moonlight shining down on her as she lay peacefully in her crib, her baby pink blanket tucked under her chin. A small tear trickled down my cheek as I lay back down in my own bed, and I knew that it was going to be another one of those nights. One of the nights I cried myself to sleep, wishing that there was someone there for me, willing to help me through it. Someone who could take away all the bad memories and make new ones. Someone who could help me with the biggest obstacle in my life at this point: raising a child.


	2. Ch 2 Joe

Chapter Two

**_Three Months Later_**

A year. One simple year and everything had completely changed. Fifty two weeks, three hundred and sixty five days. To me, this was an eternity when I wasn't with her. This year was one where I both learned, I loved, and I let the most important thing to me slip through my hands. In just this short amount of time, the one girl I held so close to me became nothing but a painful memory. I had learned that nothing can ever truly last forever, and to love until you can't, and then love more. But eventually, it all runs out like time through an hour glass, and that's what had happened. The distance, the grudges, the rising fame, this is what separated us. This is what tore us apart, but it would never keep me from loving her.

Since the moment we met in that stupid little coffee shop, I knew it would always be her. She just had those eyes in shade of deep blue. The kind you just can't stop staring into, trying to uncover every secret and every thought. I had wanted to know her, to just be with her. It may have been spontaneous and irrational, but I couldn't help myself. I'd asked her out for Saturday night. I'd taken a chance, and luckily she had taken one too.

After that one date, there was no stopping us. Anything I had ever thought about love seemed incomparable. This wasn't love, this was _Lilly_, and it was so much better. Alluring, and drawing me deeper. It was like the waves on the shore of our favorite Malibu beaches, powerful and calming all at the same time. It was unlike anything, and yet it was everything all at once. Overwhelming, but I didn't want it to stop. This was a feeling I wanted to keep forever, and this was the girl I wanted to have forever with.

She was there through everything. The falls, the climbs, and she'd hug me tight when I'd finally reached the top. The fame I'd acquired along the way was a battle we took together, and it hadn't caused us many problems. She had been the most supportive person in my life, encouraging me to go after my dreams. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, that's why I gave her everything.

It had been our first major tour and I hadn't known what to do. When my dad had given me and my brothers the news, it had been sudden. Two days. My father had given me less than two days to build up the courage to tell Lilly that I'd be gone. I had two days to prepare myself for a year without her. And I used two whole days telling myself the tour would get called off, or that I'd be able to fly back to Malibu every week to be with her. I'd let myself believe things I had known from the start weren't true, so when the night before I left finally came I knew. I knew I would have to tell her.

"Lilly! Hey!" I'd smiled into the phone when she had answered. The smile dropped off my face though, when I remembered why I had called. "Do you think maybe I could meet you somewhere? It's- Well, it's pretty important..."

"Joe?" She asked. I answered her with a simple 'yeah?' just to let her know I was still there. "Is something wrong? What's wrong?"

I resisted the urge to say 'Everything' and just told her to meet me down at the beach. When she'd hung up, promising to meet me there in ten minutes, I froze. What was I going to say to her? How was I going to explain this? I wanted to tell her everything I felt for her, everything I had wanted to say for so long. One night couldn't do it justice though. The words I spoke would never truly convey the things I wanted her to know. But somehow, I needed to tell her. I needed to tell her that she was it for me, that she was the sun my world revolved around, she was my life. We were young, but I knew if I had to, I would wait an eternity for her.

When I walked up, seeing her sitting in the sand, my breath had been taken away. The stars were laid as a backdrop, and the waves crashed as our music, but still she stood out the most. Her hair whipping in the wind was human perfection, the smile when she saw me was nothing short of beautiful. But I knew. I knew she wouldn't take the news well, and it scared me to think that she could ever be truly angry with me. We bickered childishly almost constantly, but that was exactly as it sounded: Childish. We weren't children anymore, though, and not everything could be fixed with a bandage, a kiss and a simple 'I'm sorry'. This was different, and I didn't want to leave on bad terms. When I left, I wanted to be reminded of her smile, her laugh. I wanted to be reminded that I had a girl back home who _loved_ me.

"So, what is it?" Her voice sounded in my ears as I found a place on the sand next to her. Sitting here with her was exactly where I wanted to be and exactly where I wanted to stay. I didn't want to leave on this stupid tour and have to leave her behind in Malibu. I didn't want to be without her. She'd been with me for every step of the way, and it should have stayed like that.

"I'm leaving," I confessed. I couldn't keep hiding it from her. "We're touring with Hannah Montana..."

"What? Why didn't you tell me? When are you leaving?" My eyes were downcast so I wouldn't have to see the disappointment. I hesitated to answer the questions, afraid that if I said it I couldn't take it back. I didn't _want_ to go on a tour, but I knew that I owed it to Kevin and Nick. They'd worked too hard for me to let them down.

"I just found out yesterday...I didn't know how to tell you," I admitted, looking up to her. "But we're going to visit. I promise. We'll be back in the U.S. in about nine months or so."

"When are you leaving?" She breathed. Everything about her just radiated sadness. In a way, it made me want to smile. She wanted me to stay as much as I didn't want to leave. Her gaze lowered, and whatever smile had been forming, fell. She couldn't even look at me.

"You see... Um..." I stumbled on my words.

"Spit it out, Joe," She told me rather bluntly.

"Tomorrow morning," The words spilled out and it hurt me to hear them. I was going to be leaving her tomorrow. This would be our last moments together for at least nine months. I didn't know if I could last that long. I didn't know if I could leave without her knowing.

"What?" She yelled. I was shocked when she said it. I had hoped she would understand because she always had. "Are you joking me? I'm your girlfriend, Joe. Why didn't you tell me sooner? We could've spent the day together before you leave for a whole entire year."

"Lilly, please understand," I pleaded, "There's no way that I could possibly say no to the tour." No matter how badly I wanted to, I could never do that to my brothers. Lilly was forever, that I already knew, but the fame wasn't. This opportunity would slip past us if we didn't grab it, and so we did.

"Whatever, Joe," She brushed me off. Instantly fear kicked in, and I was afraid she'd walk away from me. I wanted things to be good between us before I left. I wanted things to be better than good, I wanted them to be perfect.

"No, Lilly, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," I apologized. Then, taking a deep breath, I said the words I'd been holding off on. I had always wanted to be absolutely sure before I said them, but in reality, I had never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I had more faith in this than I did in the idea that the sun would rise the next morning. "I love you."

"What?" The surprise was clear on her lips. Even though I hadn't said it before, hadn't she known?

"Lilly, I love you. And I know that I'm only twenty, but I already want to be with you forever." I explained. When forever left my lungs, my eyes darted down to the ring on my finger. The _purity ring_. Fiddling with it, and watching it twist around and around, I made a decision. I couldn't find the words to tell her how I felt about her, how I'd always felt about her, so I would show her. If it wasn't what she wanted, I would be happy to stay a virgin for the rest of my life if it meant being with her. But if she let me, I would break every old promise for her, and I would make new promises to be with her forever. On the night before I left her, this was my gift to her. This was how I let her know that I honestly, truly loved her and that my heart would be waiting for her to fill the place right when I got home.

But still, however much I loved her, the hole in my heart still remained. Nothing was the same without her. The sun wasn't quite as bright, the concerts never nearly as exhilarating. Everything was just _dull_ when she wasn't with me. I tried to call as much as I could, and I tried to text her every night, but it was hard. It was hard when she was half way around the world and I was constantly busy. Time zones didn't help much either, but I made an effort. There were nights that I would stay up until four am, just to talk to her, even if we had an interview or a photo shoot the next morning. It was all worth it to hear her voice.

Soon the concerts became more demanding, and the media were hounding us like crazy. The fame that I'd thought wouldn't last, instead just kept growing. Our voices were in every ear, our faces on the front cover of magazines. It was all so crazy. But this wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted was to go home, to be with Lilly again. I didn't need the fame or the money, she was all I would ever need.

As the weeks progressed, all I could do was count down the days. Eight months until I see Lilly. Six months left. Just twelve weeks. 42 days. But as the days became less, so did the phone calls. Long distance charges were killing us both, and we were never able to talk long because of the time difference. By the time I had counted down to a week, we had stopped talking for more than four months. For that whole week of concerts and press, I just prayed. I prayed that she hadn't found someone to replace me, and that she'd be there waiting for me when I got home. This time without her had just cut me. I couldn't wait to see her, but I was so afraid to find everything gone.

When our plane finally touched down at LAX, I was jumping in my seat at the chance to see her. Hannah, who had confessed to being Miley sometime halfway through the tour, seemed just as anxious as I was. She kept sliding her phone up, checking for both service and new text messages. The second they let us off the plane though, my attention was placed solely on digging my own phone from my bag. Somewhere in the distance, Miley was talking frantically on hers the second she found service, but I didn't pay attention. My fingers automatically dialed the phone number I knew so well, and I waited. I listened patiently, but nothing ever came, just an answering machine.

"Hey, Lil, It's me. Joe." I spoke awkwardly, looking around the airport, "Um, listen, can you call me back? I'm back in Malibu and I really want to see you soon, so yeah. I'll talk to you later. Love you." I shut my phone, sighing, hoping she'd get back to me quickly. It had already been so long and I could hardly wait another minute. I wanted to see those eyes, that smile. I wanted to feel the intensity I felt every time her lips were on mine. I wanted to hear her tell me she loved me again, and I wanted to say it to her until I couldn't speak.

Naturally, an hour later along with several phone calls, I was worried when I couldn't get a hold of Lilly. Except for when I was on tour and made an accidental phone call during the late hours, she had always picked up for me. She had always ignored the fact that she could hardly pay for the phone bill because of all the overseas charges. But now, when I was back in Malibu, it was as if she was suddenly avoiding me. It had been a little less than five months now since I'd heard her voice, or her mine. What if I wasn't enough for her anymore? What if someone funnier and better looking had captured her heart while I'd be so consumed in fame? If that was the reality, I wouldn't know what to do with myself because every moment of my future I pictured _always_ had her in it. There wasn't anything else to consider for me, because she was the one who would always have my entire heart. I could never give it to anyone else because I didn't want her to give it back, I wanted her to keep it forever.

Somehow, I found myself standing on the doorstep of a house I could never forget. So many memories were shared between us here. This place had us imprinted in it's walls. I admired it for a moment, thinking of past times, before I dug up my courage and knocked. Moments later I was greeted with a blond haired, blue eyed woman with a look of shock.

"Joe?" She had asked, and I had grinned, smiling. She opened the door wider, allowing me to step into the house, and I did.

"Hey Heather," I greeted Lilly's mom. She fumbled around in the living room, tidying up a few scattered pillows. "Is Lilly here?" I asked, my hands in my pockets as I angled my head to look around the house. At Lilly's name, Heather instantly became stiff, turning to me with a guilty expression that I couldn't decipher.

"Um, no, she isn't," Heather answered, "She moved out a while ago. I think she's with Oliver, but you could try her cell phone, she always has it on her."

"Oh..." I slipped, defeated. Was Lilly with Oliver, or was she _with_ Oliver? Her mom had had such a guilty expression and I was worried that it was because Lilly had found love elsewhere. Her and Oliver had been friends for so long that I should have seen it coming. To say the least, I was crushed as I sulked out of the house that held so much. How could she have just found someone else? As far as I knew, we were still together. I never should have gone on the stupid tour. She was so much more important to me. But, if this was who she wanted, I accepted it. I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. So I gave up. I let him have her.

A week later and she still hadn't called me. I hadn't attempted to get in touch with her either, though. It was the last day of our break in Malibu, and then we had another three months to go. Three more months and then maybe, just maybe I would see her again. Maybe in three months I would recapture her heart again. But I couldn't hope for much, I couldn't tell myself that it would work out because I didn't know if it would. And sitting in my living room on the last day of our break, I made my choice, a promise to myself. I wasn't going to lure myself into believing she would be my future eventually, and I was going to try to move on, just like she had.

Next to me, my phone began to ring. My eyes shot to the caller ID, and it took so much will power not to pick up. _Lilly_. I couldn't help but just feel a tinge of anger flood over me. She thought she could screen my calls for six whole days and then decide that she wanted to talk? Six whole days to think about how she was going to break up with me, and six whole days to rearrange her future with Oliver. I knew if I picked up and heard her voice I'd go back on my promise, and I had already done that once for her. So I stopped myself, and for the first time, I ignored her call. I let it ring until it stopped and it pained me to know that something that had once been so amazing had come to this.

I hadn't known until later that day that it she was having a birthday party at her old house. Nick and Kevin had come home, asking me a million and one times why I was a no show. Later, when I had listened to the voice mail message, I heard her soft voice. The voice that greeted me and told me she missed me. The one that said it sucked I couldn't be home for her birthday next week, but that she was having a party today and wanted me to come. The one that said she had something important to tell me, and the one that swore she loved me. Instantly, I knew what she had wanted to say. She had wanted to break up with me officially, which would be rather _important_. But I didn't need to hear it, I already knew. That was the day I gave her up for good. I cut her from my life, knowing it would be so much easier to heal without remembering those feelings. That was the day that the hole she had left in my heart became permanent.

That was three months ago, and I still haven't forgotten. I don't think I ever will. She's always going to be flooding my thoughts, keeping me thinking what would have happened if I had never gone on this tour a year ago. Would she still be my Lilly? Or would we have drifted apart anyways? But forever, there would always be a place for her inside my arms, whenever she needed me. I would always be there for her, because even if I didn't want to admit it, I would never really get over her.

And now I stood in Los Angeles, with my two brothers and Hannah. This was the second last stop on this never ending tour, and I was so thankful that it would soon be over. Earlier today we had visited sick children at the kid's hospital, and we were on our way to a children's center now. We were spending the day with kids who had lost so much, but still kept going. I could almost relate, because losing Lilly wasn't like losing a regular relationship, losing Lilly was like losing everything I had ever known and ever trusted.

The kids were shocked when we walked in. A lot of them were older kids, who adoptive parents didn't want, but there were younger ones too. Most of them were around six or seven, a few older than that who couldn't find homes, but there was only one that really stood out to me.

Me, Nick and Kevin played two or three songs, and then got a chance to talk to the kids while Hannah sang a few tunes. Subconsciously my feet lead me towards the tiny baby in the corner, wondering how on Earth no adoptive parents could want her. She was absolutely adorable. I was kneeling in front of her as she sat in her little seat. She laughed when I made a funny face, and I felt my heart just melt. I couldn't remember feeling as happy as I did now in such a long time.

"She's precious, isn't she?" One of the women who worked at the center asked, coming up to me.

"Absolutely," I answered, no hesitation. I kept making faces at the baby, trying to get her to laugh again. I wanted to smile, and I wanted to feel alright.

"A lot of couples have been interested in adopting her," The woman continued, "But she doesn't usually connect with people. Not like now, with you, anyways."

"With me?" I questioned myself. The lady didn't say more, as she sighed and walked away. I stopped making funny faces for a moment and just watched the little person sitting in front of me. Her eyes were big and blue, staring right into me with absolute innocence. My mind went elsewhere, to the big blue eyes that I loved so dearly that were probably still in Malibu. But I didn't stay lost in this memory for long, because I felt a tiny hand wrap its way around one of my fingers and I heard a giggle float through the room. She connected with me, of all people, when so many other people had wanted to give her a home, and I guess I connected to her too, for once feeling like things were really going to work out. Thats when I knew I wanted her, to keep her, to take her home with me. Because for the first time since exactly one year ago, the hole Lilly had left in my heart was beginning to heal.


	3. Ch 3 Lilly

A/N: The last chapter was ahead a few months, but this one continues right after where the first left off. After this chapter, though, it will get less confusing.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

I never expected it to come to this. A year ago, I would have never suspected that I was going to completely fall in love with him, head over heels, and end up in this place. It was 5 days since I got Joe's messages, felt horrible about it, but he never called back again. If only he knew what a place I was in, that I was a mother.

I heard my phone's regular ringtone, rushing to get it. I sighed when I saw that it was only Miley calling.

"Hello?" I asked flatly.

"Hey, Lil! Are you excited for your birthday party?" My birthday was next week, but I was having a birthday party that night so that Miley, Kevin, Nick, and Joe could make it.

"Yeah, totally!" I exclaimed sarcastically.

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.

"I don't know… I guess I just… I don't know. It's stupid."

"You want Joe to call," she stated, reading my mind.

"Yeah, I just can't stop thinking about it. I wonder if he was planning on breaking up with me, I mean he said in his messages that he really needed to talk to me."

"Lilly, I was on tour with him for 9 months. He just wants to hear your voice, that's all. Why don't you call him instead, and tell him about the party?"

"Yeah, I guess," I responded, biting my lip in thought. "I think I'm going to tell him about Aiden. He deserves to know, and maybe it will bring us closer together."

"Good idea."

"Well, I'm going to call him, but I'll talk to you later," I said, hanging up the phone after hearing Miley say goodbye.

I looked down at my cell phone, going through my address book and finding Joe's name. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. This was a big deal to me, because he could pick up, be furious with me, still want to be with me, or, worse, not pick up. I clicked on the number, listening to it ring. The rings had never seemed louder or slower until now. Finally, I heard his message machine. "Hey, you've reached Joe. I'm not here, so leave a message and I'll call you back." I sighed. He changed it back. It used to be fun, full of life, Joe, and now it was plain, dull, boring, Joseph.

"Uh, hey, Joey. It's Lilly. Listen, sorry I haven't called back. I miss you so much, though, and it kind of sucks that the tour isn't over yet, and that you'll miss my birthday next week, but I'm having a small little party tonight at my mom's house, and it'd mean a lot to me if you could make it. There's something I'd like to tell you too, it's sorta important. So call me back or meet me there around 6-ish. Alright, love ya. Bye."

I breathed out, not realizing I'd been holding my breath. A small tear trickled down the side of my face. No one really understood how hard this was for me, but tonight that was going to change. I would tell Joe, he would feel bad and come live with me and help me take care of Aiden, and it would all end happily. Or so I thought.

I was brought back to reality when I heard Aiden's cries in the other room, realizing that she was probably waking up from her nap. I went in and picked her up, rocking her back and forth to soothe her cries, then changed her diaper again. I stared at her for a few minutes, realizing how beautiful she was, the way she had a crooked smile, the way her eyes always held a certain glimmer, the way she could laugh before she could even yell. I had become attached to her, mostly because she was the one constant in my life. When things were hectic and crazy beyond my control, she'd be there with a smile on her face. She instantly made my mood go from bitter to happy in seconds.

I heard the doorbell ringing, and figured it was Oliver. He'd agreed to watch Aiden for a little bit while I got ready for my party. My mother already told me that she was more than willing to watch her that night, so I'd have a night that was carefree and worryless and I wouldn't have to worry about my old friends knowing. We'd gotten closer in the past month after she found out about the pregnancy. We were even going to lunch next week for my birthday, which we hadn't done in years. I found that how much her support meant to me, and I really wanted to mend our broken years, the years when neither of us would say a word to each other.

I answered the door, seeing Oliver looking sharp in a light blue button down long sleeve shirt and a nice jacket, paired with dark blue jeans and white sneakers.

"Hey," I greeted, hugging him. "You look great. Thanks so much for helping out."

"No problem at all, miss Lilly. Aiden is fun to play with, even if she has a thing against me. Besides, this is your night. It's all for you."

I smiled, thanking him, and handed Aiden to him. She giggled and playfully grabbed his ear, and he groaned.

I laughed softly, then hurried to my room. I had an hour and a half to get ready, which was plenty for me. I wasn't like Miley, who took hours to get ready for dates.

I showered, washing my hair with Joe's favorite shampoo, then once I got out, I blow-dried my hair. My hair is naturally straight, so I usually didn't need to do much to it, but that night I styled it in a low chignon, pulling out a few loose hairs to make it wispy in the front.

I took out my makeup bag, then poured out the contents. I rubbed foundation on my face, then added a little bronzer to the apples of my cheeks, going for the natural look. I brushed light brown eyeshadow onto my lids, then lined them with a thin line of black eyeliner, then finished the look with a few swipes of mascara. After being satisfied with my look, I left the bathroom and back into my room, where I went into my closet and pulled out the dress I'd picked out especially for the party. It was a red strapless number with a bubble hem that showed quite a bit of leg, but I figured that now that I was (almost) 19, I could be a little sexy. I finally worked off the baby weight, and was ready to show it off. Besides, I wanted Joe to be at a loss for words.

I slipped the dress on, zipping it up the side. I rummaged around in my closet, finding my favorite pair of black peep toe platform pumps. I looked in the mirror, pleased with my look, then picked up my black clutch, throwing in the necessities.

I walked into the living room, where Oliver was playing with Aiden, and he looked up. His mouth dropped slightly, and he blushed a deep shade of pink. "God, Oliver, take a picture, it'd last longer!" I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yep," I answered, picking up an apple off the counter and taking a bite out of it.

He picked Aiden up, then we walked out to his car. He placed Aiden in the car seat, which we permanently kept there, now that he was my driving source (yes, I do pay him gas money), double-checking that she was safely seated. He got in the drivers side of the car and we left for my mother's house. We got there, being the first ones there. My mother smiled, taking Aiden upstairs.

"Are you going to tell Joe? He came over a few days ago, was worried," she whispered once she came back down and Oliver was out of earshot, which I didn't understand. Oliver knew everything, there was no secrets between us.

"I think so. He deserves to know, it's his child, too. Plus, handling this alone is a little tough."

"Yeah, I understand. You're lucky you have Oliver," she stated, giving me a knowing look.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. That boy is very sweet though."

"Mom, I don't know what you're suggesting, but my heart is set on Joe. I know the past few months have been rocky, but all relationships are like that. I love him."

"Okay," she answered, then went back upstairs. I heard some music start pumping, and I turned to where it was coming from. There was a whole DJ booth set up, Oliver behind it and mixing beats.

"Oliver?" I asked with a confused expression written all over my face.

He smiled. "I got my boss to lend this for tonight," he explained.

I ran over, well walked as fast as I could in four-inch heels, and gave him a big hug. I heard the door open, and looked over to see Miley and a few friends I knew from high school come in, all looking stunning, and Miley set down the food she'd brought on the counter before coming over and giving me a hug.

"I have to give you your present now," she said, reaching in her bag and pulling a light blue bag, where the words "Tiffany & Co." were written in white box letters. I squealed, opening it and pulling out a small box. I opened the box, finding a silver link clasp bracelet and a small heart locket, where the words "Lilly & Miley- best friends forever" were engraved. I put it on, then gave her another hug. She pulled another copy of the same bracelet, placing it on her own thin wrist.

Many more people came through the door, and I kept hoping that I would see the top of Joe's shiny brown hair, but I didn't. I saw Kevin and Nick walk through, and I tried to act happy that they were there, but I was really, really disappointed. On the outside, I was just telling myself that he was running a little late, I mean the boy took forever in the bathroom, but deep down, I knew he was a no-show. This broke my heart more than anything. Half the reason that I wanted this party so much was so that I could see Joe and there wouldn't be any awkward one-on-one moments.

Kevin must have noticed my face fall when he came to greet me and wish me happy birthday, because he said, "Joe wasn't able to make it tonight."

I nodded, trying to act like I understood, but I didn't. This was my birthday! He gave me a hug, as if he was saying sorry for Joe, but I ignored it and walked over to Miley. "You okay?" she asked.

I stared off to the distance for a moment, wishing that I was with him, holding his hand, kissing his soft lips, but I brought myself back into reality. By not showing up, he declared our relationship over. I don't care what bullshit he would try to pull to get me to come back to him, but I was not going to buy it. He caused me more heartbreak in the last two months than in the whole four years I'd known him.

"No," I answered truthfully to her question. "I'm not okay. I don't think I'm going to be okay. I need to go," I snapped, rushing upstairs. I found my mother in her room, glasses perched on her nose and hair back in a ponytail while she read the latest issue of US weekly magazine. She looked up, surprised to see me, then glanced at the clock.

"Honey, it's only 7. Why aren't you down at your party? Oh, I get it. You want to show Aiden to Joe," she said, reaching over and picking up the sleeping baby off the bed.

I took her, rocking her back and forth in my arms. Fighting off tears, I responded. "No. Joe decided to not show up. I'm going home."

She began to protest, but I stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I walked down the stairs and through the room of confused stares, all wondering why I suddenly had a baby in my arms. I heard Nick start to tell Kevin about the new song he wrote, trying to distract him from the baby, because he knew that Kevin would tell. I had never been more glad about me and Nick's ability to telepathicly talk, even if I didn't even glance at him.

I opened the front door, angrily walking to Oliver's car. I looked back at the party to see many questioning looks, everybody wondering why the birthday girl was leaving her own birthday party _early_.

Right on time, Oliver jogged out, putting his coat back on and taking Aiden for me. He placed her in the carseat as I got in the back seat next to her, holding her small and fragile hand. Oliver got in the drivers seat, looking back at us both and giving me a comforting smile.

I just lost it. I began crying, tears blurring my view and streaming down my face. I felt Aiden's grip get stronger in mine as I held it, which made me cry even more. I was a mess, and I knew that I needed to get my act together. For Aiden. She needed me, but I wasn't sure if I could be the supporting mother I needed to be.

I felt the car stop, and Oliver got out of the car, opening the door and carrying Aiden into the house. I stayed in his car, crying and weeping like never before. A piece of my heart was gone.

A few minutes later, or maybe it was hours, Oliver came back out and carried me into my room. He placed me on the bed, then went in my closet and bringing back a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt. He took off my heels, placing them on the ground, then put the t-shirt on over my dress before sliding it off. He slid the sweats on for me, then pulled the comforter over my shaking body, then went back into the closet to hang the beautiful dress up.

Once he came back, he wrapped his warm arms around my torso, hugging me tightly for a few minutes before leaving.

That night, I didn't catch one minute of sleep. I cried, sobbed, weeped until there was nothing left of me. The moments that I wasn't thinking about how Joe probably didn't even want to see me in the first place, I was thinking about Aiden. I heard her cry a few times throughout the night, and I eventually just brought her into bed with me, snuggling close with her, but I couldn't take it. The weight on my shoulders was heavy. Even taking care of myself was hard, trying to raise a child to be a good person, to be tough was going to be even harder.

The next few days, I made myself forget about Joe and began focusing on finishing Aiden's nursery. I painted the walls a light shade of pink, then moved her crib inside. I bought a white dresser to hold all her baby clothes, and many toys so that she'd never get bored. I tried so hard to be the best mother I could possibly be.

My plan worked; for a few days, my focus wasn't on Joe.

Then, the night I finished Aiden's nursery, she was playing with some dolls and I was cleaning up my room while keeping an eye on her when I came across a small birthday present. Miley was kind enough to bring all the presents from the party to me, and I had thought that I got all of them.

There was a card taped to the front of the present, so I opened that first. It read, "Happy birthday to one of the greatest friends ever. Hope its great. Love, Kevin, Joe, and Nick." My heart dropped. Kevin and Nick both wrote long notes on the side, wishing me a happy birthday and telling me how much I meant to them, but Joe didn't write one single thing. Not even 'Love, Joe'. I even glanced at the back of the card, but there was nothing.

I began to grow mad, but opened the present. It was a beautiful cream-colored picture frame, and inside was a black and white candid picture of me, Kevin, Joe, and Nick. We were all sitting at a picnic table, me sitting next to Joe and Kevin and Nick sitting across from us. Joe was saying something, his hands mid-air and his eyes wide with excitement, and me, Kevin, and Nick were clutching our stomachs from laughter.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. Those were the good old days, when everything was perfect, but not anymore. I wanted it all to stop. I was done.

Miley had left to go back on tour with the brothers that morning, and I was pretty sure I remembered her say that they were playing down in San Diego, California. I wiped away my tears, then dialed her cell phone number.

"Lilly? Is everything all right? I have to go on in a few minutes, so I don't have much time to talk," she said once answering the phone.

"Miley? Will you come back? One day is all I need. Please. I need you here right now," I pleaded.

"Umm... you know what? Yeah. I'll get a rental car and drive down early in the morning so that I can get back in time. And if I don't make it in time, oh well. They can survive a small delay."

I smiled. "You're the best friend ever, Miles. Thanks."

"Sure, Lilly. You know I'll always be there for you. I can hear it in your voice that something important is up, and plus, we need some bonding time. I gotta go now, though, but I'll see you in the morning."

"Alright, bye Miley," I said, then hung up after hearing the dial tone.

The next morning, Miley drove Aiden and I to Los Angeles. I sat in the backseat the entire way, playing with her. When we got there, I let out a small cry, knowing that I was never going to see my daughter walk, talk, or be able to eat on her own. Her blue eyes looked up at mine, and I carried her into the facility. I felt Miley grab my hand, holding it tightly, giving me the strength I needed so much. I hugged my daughter for the last time before saying to the secretary, "I'm here to give her up for adoption."


	4. Ch 4 Joe

Chapter Four

I could do nothing but stare at her as she laughed and gurgled. She had no teeth, but the smile was still the most adorable thing I had ever seen. Her tiny fingers were wrapped around mine and her deep blue eyes dug right into my soul. She was mine- My daughter.

Technically she wasn't really _mine_, but it felt just the same. I had legally adopted her, so I was her dad now. It felt odd to say. I would be twenty two this year and already I'd be a father. But it didn't matter to me if I was so young and already had 'baggage'. This little girl meant the absolute world to me already. Her smile made me smile, and it tugged at my heart. I wasn't sure I had been happier now, with her, than I had been in the last year. She just did that to me. She made me feel like everything was going to be alright. Like there wasn't anything I needed to worry about anymore.

When I'd first laid eyes on her at the children's home two weeks ago, there was no question that I wanted her. She had _connected_ with me, when so many people had wanted her. It's like she chose me- like she needed me, and I needed her just as much. Since then everything had started to just fit. It may have only been two weeks, but as I had already learned, life has the ability of changing so suddenly, whether it be three hundred and sixty five days, or fourteen. And this time, the change seemed to be all for the better.

The adoption process hadn't taken long at all either. I'd done all the paperwork before the show, and picked her up afterwards. The process was sped up most likely because I had to be on the road so quickly and wasn't going to be there long. Plus, the fact that my entire life was in the media, the people at the centre already knew I was a fit parent. They knew that she'd have everything she would ever need from me, so it became official. That was the day she became a Jonas, and that was the day she became my daughter. And that was something I wouldn't give up for the world, no matter how hard my brothers had taken the news.

That night, after a quick stop into a department store to pick up a few things I would need, I had walked onto the bus with the biggest smile and a baby in my arms. Kevin and Nick had been sitting around the lounge and came to greet me and see where I had been all night. To say the least, they were surprised at what they saw. I mean, how often is it that your brother comes in with a random baby?

"I'm going to hope you didn't kidnap that baby," Kevin was the first to speak, wide eyed and cautiously moving forward. I smiled at his statement and shook my head.

"No," I laughed, "This..." My eyes turned down to her and she smiled up at me, "This is my daughter."

"What?!" Nick practically burst. His eyes were the size of dinner plates and the water he had been drinking was, to say the least, no longer in his mouth. I was going to ask him why he seemed so panicked about what I'd said, but I was interrupted by the cries of the little girl in my arms. Nick had scared her with his yelling and I gave him a quick glare.

"Shhh," I whispered into my daughter's ear, bouncing her a little until she considerably calmed. She hadn't cried once since she'd been with me, so this was a first. Personally, I think I handled it rather nicely, since it didn't take long to put the smile back on her face. And that was all I ever wanted to see, a smile. I didn't want to have to see her cry, but I knew it came along with being a dad. I'd have to be there for not only the good times, but the bad as well.

"Don't yell," I told Nick, shooting him another glance before looking down again at her. I swayed a little, rocking her and trying to get her to fall asleep. I wouldn't really be able to tell my brothers the full story when she was still awake. She was so distracting and I just wanted to keep looking at her, watching her smile. It was like the world dropped away and she made everything worth while.

"So you have a daughter since when?" Kevin piped up, eying the little girl I was still holding. His eyes lifted from her to look at the empty space where my purity ring used to me, and then to my eyes. Sighing, I put their suspicious to rest. I knew what they were thinking.

"Since I adopted her today," I admitted. I was kind of afraid to look at either of my brothers to see their reactions. I knew they wouldn't approve, my parents probably wouldn't either. It was a hasty decision, and not one that I should have made so quickly, but I knew it was the right one. Even if I'd had her for less than twenty four hours, I knew I wouldn't go back on this choice. I had made a commitment, and I would stick with it.

"Oh, thank God," I heard Nick mutter to himself. My head snapped up from the little girl to give my brother a curious glance. When he caught it, his eyes widened, and my eyebrows furrowed deeper.

"I mean, well- Uh, at least by adopting her your being.. responsible? And not.. irresponsible, which you would have been.. if she was really yours?" I rose an eyebrow. His explanation seemed oddly shady, but I didn't question it. I figured he would need some time to comprehend the situation and the idea that for the next few stops we'd have a little baby along with us. Hell, that was hard for me to comprehend even.

"Did you talk to mom or dad about this?" Kevin asked, stepping forward and keeping a close watch on my daughter again, "Or Lilly?"

"Me and Lilly are over," I spat, my eyes narrowed. She had obviously moved on and I wasn't wanted or needed anymore. She had made her choice. "And I don't see why I need to talk to mom and dad. I'm twenty one, I'm an adult."

"Well I'm twenty three and you don't see me adopting a baby, do you?!" Kevin looked at me, shocked. I guess he had a point, but he really didn't see how much I needed her. How much I needed someone to fill that place in my heart. Someone to stop the ache, and someone for me to care for. Someone that wouldn't leave me when something better came along.

"Look," I blew out a breath, "Let me just put her to sleep, and then we'll talk, okay?" Both boys nodded and I walked over to the carrier that had been given to me at the children's center. There wasn't room for a crib, so for the next two weeks, either she would be sleeping in my bunk, or in her carrier. Once I got home, that would all change. She'd have the best of everything and I'd make sure of it.

It didn't take long for her to get to sleep. I couldn't imagine why anyone in the world would ever give her up. To be honest, she was practically the perfect child. She had only cried once when Nick yelled, and even then it had been simple for me to get her to calm down. She was just so perfect, and maybe I was imagining it, but she almost looked like my daughter too. She had undeniably blue eyes, which of course, I didn't have, but she did have the dark hair and tanned skin.

For just a few moments I watched her fall asleep. I couldn't manage to tear my eyes away from her, thats how perfect she was. She was just so small and tiny and I couldn't even describe it.

"Night," I whispered, kissing her forehead and reluctantly walking back to my brothers. I left my daughter in my bunk and they led me to the back lounge to talk things over. To be honest, I was kind of scared about what they'd say. They were my best friends and their approval meant the world to me. I didn't want them to be angry with me because I'd made such a life altering decision, or because I hadn't consulted them first. In a way, I was hoping they'd realize exactly why I needed her without me having to tell them. It just hurt having to talk about Lilly. She had been such a major part of my life, and I still loved her with everything I had, but for her to just decide she didn't need me anymore was heartbreaking. It had changed me, changed my view on life. I knew things couldn't last and I just needed at least one stable thing in my life. And now I had it- my daughter.

"So...Explain?" Kevin asked, an eyebrow raised. I sat down on one of the couches and slouched. Both Kev and Nick sat down opposite me.

"I don't know," I dug my hands into my hair, "When we went to the center today. I just... adopted her."

"Just like that? Come on Joe, you can't just decide 'hey, I want a daughter' one day."

"I know, Kev, I know. You just don't get it."

"Then tell me." He pressed.

"Look, no one wanted her, and she just smiled and she has these bright blue eyes, just like..."

"Like Lilly?" Kevin's voice interrupted me. I didn't even try to deny it because it was as clear as daylight.

"...Yeah," I admitted, digging my hands further into my hair. It probably sounded awful to them, hearing that I'd adopted a baby as replacement for Lilly, but that wasn't it. There was so much more to it than that. I hadn't had her for very long and already I felt so attached. It was almost in the same way when I had first met Lilly. When I looked at her, I knew. And when I had laid eyes on the little girl in the children's centre, I just _knew_. I knew that I was supposed to take her home with me. The second I saw her, I already felt like a dad.

It took a while, but both of my brothers seemed to get used to the idea of a new family member. Kevin immediately took her in, deciding that just because I had made a rash decision didn't mean she should have to be shunned. Nick on the other hand was a little more taken back. It wasn't like he ignored her existence, but he didn't seem to really accept it quite yet. I suppose it took a little getting used to, and of course Kevin was the oldest, so he would've been the most mature about the situation.

The first few days were harder than I would have ever expected. She hadn't cried the entire first night, but I did wake up in the morning to her screams. The buses had to stop so I could pick up more things for her, like baby food, and it lost us a few travel hours. We had gotten to our next destination later than expected, but luckily our show wasn't scheduled until the next night. Or maybe... not so luckily.

Unlike the first night, the next few were filled with crying. Every time I put her down, she would start tearing up. That, of course, only left me one option: to not put her down. It made me exhausted, to say the least, and the shows were getting harder. Still, I didn't regret my decision one bit. Even though I was dead tired, I was still happier than I had been in a while. I figured that she just didn't want to be away from me as much as I didn't want to be away from her. Except, she just screamed to let me know.

Finally though, after the last two weeks of our tour we were heading home. We'd be back in Malibu for only a few days before I left for New Jersey with my daughter. I couldn't really help the fact that I wanted to minimize the time I had to spend seeing Lilly with her new beau. No doubt now that we were broken up she would've come out into the open with her relationship. But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I might have been over reacting to it all, but I wasn't going to risk it. I didn't want my heart broken all over again. I didn't want that hole that my daughter had slowly been healing to be ripped wide open again, no matter how much I still loved her.

The tour bus was quiet as both Kevin and Nick slept. We were just pulling into Malibu and we'd be home shortly. I was awake still, watching the little girl across from me giggle and make faces. I did the same back to her and she continued to laugh. It was about seven in the morning, and although I was tired, I couldn't sleep. I wanted to get home and relax for a week, and then me and my angel would be off to our new home in New Jersey. I didn't think Malibu was any place for her to be raised, especially with me as a dad. At least in New Jersey, we wouldn't have half the amount of paparazzi following the two of us. I wanted her to have as normal a life as she could have in Jersey, and then in a year when she was a little older, she would come on tours with us. But until then, I was staying out of the rock star life.

As I played with my daughter in the front lounge, I was interrupted by a light _buzz_ing noise. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked around. I spotted Nick's cell phone laying abandoned on one of the couches, vibrating. Then it stopped. I picked up the item, sliding it up and viewing the screen. I took a deep breath in at what I saw next: _One New Message – Lilly Truscott_.

Cautiously, I looked around, making sure neither of my brothers were around. I pressed the 'Read' button and waited for the screen to come up. I became even more confused when I read her message.

_Hey, I just got your message now. Please don't tell him, Nick. You promised it would be a secret. I don't know what Joe would do if he knew, and I don't want him to be angry with you for keeping it a secret from him either. Its best if he doesn't know. - Lilly x3_

I read the text over and over again. What didn't I know? Nick and Lilly were apparently keeping a secret from me, one that I'd be angry about, one that it was supposedly 'best that I didn't know'. Except this was one secret I wanted to know, so instead of leaving it, I dug further in. I glanced around again, making sure the coast was clear before I went into Nick's messages. When I checked both his in-box and out-box they were filled with messages between the pair. Instead of going backwards, I started from the very beginning, or at least as far as the messages would let me go. The ones that weren't already deleted started just over a week ago.

_Its been a secret for three months, I could have helped you, you didn't need to go to LA. – Nick_

_I know, but it's hard. I couldn't deal with it on my own. You really don't get it. -Lilly_

_I might not get it, but I'm trying. Lilly, when Joe finds out, he's going to be pissed. -Nick_

_That's why Joe's not going to find out. -Lilly_

_We can't keep it from him forever, it's going to come out sooner or later. - Nick_

_It doesn't have to. It's not like anyone know knows is going to tell him. - Lilly_

_Lilly, he's my brother, I can't keep it from him. The media's going to find out and post some story on it and he's going to know. - Nick_

_Well no one's going to tell the media, are they? And you don't have to tell him, Nick. He'd be so hurt, I know it. Why do you think it was so hard for me to even call him when you were in Malibu. I knew he thought something was up, and I didn't want him to figure it out. - Lilly_

_He's going to figure it out eventually, one of us is going to slip up. -Nick_

_Not if we're careful. Besides, It's not like me and Joe are going to be talking any time soon. I don't need Joe, I have everything I need. I have Miley and you, and everyone else. I don't need Joe, and he doesn't need to know. - Lilly_

_Lilly, I need to tell him. This is huge and he's my brother. - Nick_

_Nick, if you love me, you will not tell him. -Lilly_

_Lilly, you know I do, but I need to. He has to know, and if you won't tell him, he needs to hear it from someone other than the tabloids when they get wind of it. I'm telling him when we get back to Malibu, tomorrow. If you want to be there, come to the house in the morning. - Nick_

As I read the last message, the confusion left my face and instead there was the look of betrayal. So this was the big secret. All along, I had thought that Lilly had left me for Oliver. I'd thought that they'd connected while I was gone on tour. Boy, was I wrong. I should have seen it, though. When we got back to Malibu on that week stop, Nick had quickly gone off somewhere and I hadn't seen him around much. It was pretty clear to me now that he had probably been with Lilly the entire time. So really, her replacement wasn't Oliver, it was my own brother. And even though Nick had known how much I loved her, he did this to me. So much for loyalty.

Slamming the phone down, I dug my hands into my hair. I looked over to the little girl who had fallen asleep in her seat and sighed. I jumped up from the couch and made my way over to the computer. I logged on, and quickly began to search for the quickest way I could be out of Malibu. All I needed was a plane ticket, and to pack my bags in the last half hour before our bus stopped. All the clothes we needed were already on the bus from the tour.

So as soon as I finished arranging the plane tickets, I checked on my daughter again. She was still sound asleep in the lounge. I pulled out a bag and began shoving clothes into it along with anything I would need. There were jars of baby food and a ton of clothes for the both of us, and finally, just as we pulled up, I finished. I heard someone climb out of their bed when the bus jerked them awake and saw that it was Kevin. He rubbed his eyes, looking at me confused.

"What're you doing?" He mumbled, looking at me with a packed backpack over one shoulder and a duffel bag at my feet. I tried as best as I could not to look angry. Wow, Lilly was right, I was pissed now that I'd found out.

"Leaving," I answered quickly.

"Where?" Kevin asked.

"New Jersey." I couldn't look anywhere besides the door, waiting for it to open.

"I thought you weren't leaving for a week or something?"

"Yeah, well," I rolled my eyes, thinking of the text messages. I didn't want to stick around long enough to hear Nick and Lilly's confession. "I'm leaving now. Something came up."

"Oh," Kevin mumbled. The door to the bus opened and Mom climbed inside. She was well aware of my daughter after the two weeks on the tour. I shoved past her throwing my duffel out the door and grabbing the papers I had printed off to prove I had bought my plane tickets online. Turning back, I looked to Kevin. I nodded my head towards the lounge, and then asked him to get the only thing I left behind, and the only thing I would ever really need.

"Kevin? Get Aiden."


	5. Ch 5 Lilly

A/N: Sorry this chapter is a little short. It just is.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

I sighed as I ran my hands against the now-pink walls of the nursery. I caught a glimpse of the baby crib, sitting in the corner of the room babyless. This was enough to bring me to tears, and I collapsed onto the white carpeted floor. My head rested in my hands, my elbows propped up on my knees. After a few months of getting used to being alone again, I would have thought that I would've been over it by now, but no matter what I'd think or say to convince myself to move on, I couldn't do it.

I thought that giving up Aiden for good would help me feel less guilt and that I'd be glad that she'd have the chance to live with a secure family, but all I ended up feeling was more guilt. What if she grew up and realized she wanted to know who her real parents were? What if the people who adopted her abused her or treated her badly?

Endless possibilities ran through my head, but it wasn't just the fact that Aiden might not grow up to be the person that she should be; it was the fact that I gave away the closest thing I had to Joe. And that was what hurt the most.

Just like all the previous nights, I sat in that nursery, crying until my stomach ached. I cried until there wasn't one ounce left of tears left to cry. Miley and Oliver were worried about me, telling me that I should talk to someone or adopt another child, but none of that would work. Joe was gone, and now Aiden, too. I figured that there was nothing I could do that would bring me back to the happiness I felt when I was with either of them.

I received countless amounts of texts from Nick, pressuring me to tell Joe the truth. I told him repeatedly that I was not going to tell him, no matter what. He'd already moved on, so there was no point in doing it, anyways. But regardless of my protests, I got a text from Nick, telling me that he was going to tell Joe the next morning.

I contemplated going all night and the next morning. I wanted to be there, to see his reaction, to apologize, but in the end, I decided against it. That night, I sat on the couch in my living room, expecting him to come by and yell at me and be furious, but I didn't even get a call from him. I thought, what if he knew all along? What if that was the reason he was mad at me?

The next night, I was home alone, eating a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup when I thought about going out, just to get outside. I finished my bowl of soup, pulled a light blue sweatshirt over my head, and got in the car that my mom had boughten for me for my birthday. I had no destination in mind, just turned on the car, pulled out of the driveway, and began driving. An hour later, I ended up at the adoption center in L.A.

I looked up at the building, tears flooding my eyes, but I wiped them away, knowing that I was feet away from seeing my daughter again. I walked into the air-conditioned room, looking around. The lobby was empty, except for a secretary that sat behind a large oak desk, typing information into the computer.

I cleared my throat, and she looked up. "Hi, may I help you?" she asked warmly.

"Um, yes. My daughter is here, and I would like to see her," I whispered, but loud enough so that she could hear me.

"Well, we don't exactly encourage that," she stated.

"Please," I pleaded. "Please let me see her. I've been dying inside for the last three months. I swear…" My eyes began flooding with tears. "…I just need to see her. Please. Even if it's for a second, I just need to see her blue eyes. Hear her laugh."

The secretary sighed, running her fingers through her dark brown hair, then asked for her name. "Aiden Truscott."

She typed the name into the computer, then she began reading the information on the screen. "What?" I shouted when I saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"She's been adopted," she said calmly.

"What?" I yelled again, sure that I'd heard wrong. Aiden was stubborn, and only liked certain people. Who could have adopted her?

"Yes. I'm sorry, Ms. Truscott."

I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. I looked up at the secretary, tears blocking my vision. "Where is she?"

"We don't give that information out, ma'am."

"Listen, this is my _daughter_. She is my blood, my DNA. I will leave this person alone after seeing her. Well, maybe I'll convince them to give her back to me, but then I won't bug them. I promise. I won't tell anyone, either. She's…she's just the closest thing I had. The father of the baby left, and I am alone. I love them both deeply, but I need her. She reminded me of him so much, her little grin, the way her hair had a little wave in it… I don't know. Please. Just give me the address."

The secretary looked at me sorrowful. As much as I didn't like being vulnerable and others feeling bad for me, it was working. "You have to swear that you didn't get this information from me," she whispered.

"Your secret is safe with me," I whispered back. She glanced at the screen, then wrote down an address on the back of a business card. She handed it to me, and I smiled gratefully, thanking her.

"Hey, no problem. I hope everything works out okay, with the baby and the father."

I nodded, then left the center, looking down at the card. WYCKOFF, NEW JERSEY, it read in blue ink on the bottom. I smirked, remembering the thousands I'd saved up from working at the coffee shop for 4 years. It was time for a little me time. A little road trip.

* * *

I never thought that driving across the country would be that hard, but believe me: it was. It took a week and a half, and I stopped every night at a small hotel. But regardless of how long it took, how much shit I ate, how horrible I looked, I knew it was going to be worth it. I was going to see my daughter again. The inside of me just prayed that she wouldn't like the new parents and that she'd run back to me within the glance. That the couple would agree that I needed Aiden more than anything. That Aiden would fix the gap, the hole in my heart. That she would give her the little ounce of hope that I needed more than anything.

11 days, 267 hours, 3 bags of chips, a case of water, 6 bottles of Vitamin Water, 2 boxes of strawberries and blueberries, and 72 pit stops later, I arrived. I decided to hold off seeing Aiden for another day, because I didn't want the parents to think that I was a nut job with my tangled and greasy hair and wrinkled clothing. I stayed at the Hilton hotel a few miles away from the house, treating myself for surviving the grueling days.

After showering in the hot water and shampooing, conditioning, and shaving, I slipped under the cotton sheets of the bed, falling asleep the minute my head hit the pillow. The following morning, I woke up with a smile on my face. Not only had I gotten 10 more hours than I usually got of sleep, I was about to see my daughter.

I picked up the phone, ordering pancakes from room service, then brushed out my long hair and put some makeup on. I left my hair the way it was, straight and relaxed, then changed, putting on a light green floral dress and a pair of my favorite white flip flops. After eating breakfast, I grabbed my purse and left my room, double-checking the Map Quest directions. I got in my car, driving down the road and singing along to the pop station, and found the house I was looking for. It was a cute two-story home, white with very light yellow window shutters. The front had a small porch and the yard had a swing set tied on a nearby oak tree. The house was pretty quiet, and I hoped that I wasn't waking anyone up, even though it was already 11 in the morning.

I reached in my purse, pulling out my birth certificate and Aiden's, so that the parents wouldn't accuse me of not being her mother, then slowly walked up the stairs and onto the porch. The door had a screen on it, so I pulled that open before seeing the white door in front of me. I raised my arm, knocking three times. I stood impatiently in front of the door, waiting for them to open the door. I heard a low soothing voice, saying Aiden's name, and then I heard footsteps approach the door. I felt a nervous pang go through my stomach, and bit my lip, hoping that the person was going to take this okay. The door creeped open, and my eyes immediately shot up to my daughter, who was resting in the person's arms. "Aiden!" I cried.

I heard a gasp, and I looked up to the man that was holding my child. My mouth dropped in shock as I looked up into his brown eyes. It was the eyes that I hadn't seen for a whole year until now. It was the eyes that showed hurt, confusion, and anger all at the same time. The eyes that had once made me weak in the knees, but now made me question if I really knew him at all anymore.

"L-L-L-Li-Li-Lil-Lilly?" he stuttered. I heard Aiden giggle as she stayed put in his arms, but my eyes didn't leave his. It hurt to know that even _I_ couldn't hold Aiden without her pulling my hair or my ear, but she stayed still with him.

My mouth was still hanging open from shock, but as soon as he heard Aiden cry for 'Mommy', when she finally realized who was in front of her, all of his questions were answered.

"Hello, Joseph," I said coldly. "Nice to see you again."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking down to the ground.

"I'm here to take Aiden back. I didn't mean to put her up for adoption," I replied.

Joe was silent for a moment, looking at our daughter, before looking back to me. "How the hell would you want to leave her?" he hissed.

"Listen, I'm going to make this easier for both of us. Just hand over the child," I said, looking over at Aiden.

"No. I adopted her, because a horrible mother was stupid enough to leave her. She's officially mine, now," he spat.

I glared at him angrily, then turned on my heel and stomped off back to my car. I drove back to the hotel, then walked up to the front desk and told them I was staying another week. I wasn't leaving quite yet. I was not going to leave alone. I had a feeling that Joe adopted her as revenge for me not telling him about the baby. He just acted surprised so that I wouldn't catch on, but I did.

If Joe wanted to play dirty, bring it on. Dirty was what he was going to get- I was ready for the challenge.


End file.
